C.R.E.A.M

whooooo,
money doesn't grow on trees. you must work hard for it.
learn a skill, attain a 9-5 and live the dream.

but sometimes, we need a little help getting there.
a step ladder to the dream.
a spoon to sip the cream.
get that money now,
because what i saw on tv seems like the right fit for me
so if i can just borrow that cash now, sir
ill repay you tomorrow with extra
because i gotta have that fur, that gold, that car, that house
& im pretty sure he would love me if i donned that blouse.
yeh my pockets are low now,
and i guess my spirit is too
so just loan me that flow
give me the opportunity to grow

but ohhhh,
oh mr. moneyman, you gotta sweet plan
you know im not changing my ways
and the next will be the darkest days


house loans and student loans. a vicious cycle of let the thin bubble increase.

casualties.

jeezeus.
time flies.

hahahaha, but i have things to account for with all that time spent gone.


soooo, what have i been doing? this & that.


the journey:

learning about this world, this body, this self. its crazy how much will reveal itself if you just stare at it intently.


i started off scared, cold, shaken. but i knew i had to get somewhere. there was no point in staying in pitiful discomfort.
so i inched out of the cave. one muscle movement at a time.

reminds me of kitsungi-
the Japanese art of fixing broken ceramic with seams made of gold. a mistake, a breaking turned into something more beautiful than the original.
this concept makes me smile.

i will be honest with you. i broke. i crashed, smashed, plummeted, railed, fell.
i ignored myself, i sought the numbing of my existence too blind to see the life that was to be had. my mentality was adorned with adolescence. nothing was my fault, i blamed the dealer for the hand that i was dealt. problem was being too prideful to learn the rules. foolish ignorance of not knowing / understanding the game.

i needed the fall. the graceless, self driven plight to the bottom, which once i hit, i cracked. and through that crack a piece of light shown through. a small sliver of a ray. although tiny, it shined with magnificent brilliance. it warmed up my being, gave awareness to the lightness of life. with this lightness i rose. im still rising.

im rising,
im smiling,
im grasping,
im attaining,
im passionate,
im breathing,
im seeing,
i am
i am alive.

just like that.

its seems ive gotten forgetful. sometimes one needs to dust those windows, and open the inner incite.

excuse me sir!

baffled to how ive done so much of nothing.


correction, allowed myself to do so much nothing. well lets dissect my absence-

not all busy bee's make honey. some maintain:
 in the beginning stage of the honey bee's life, her duties require her to do chores. These house bees maintain the hive by cleaning, feeding the young and creating wax shells. they then mature into worker bees. They start their journey off by hoovering over the hive, using their wing rate to cool it off. The next stage puts the worker a little farther out from the hive in order to protect it from enemies. Finally, after all her work, the honey bee's job is to go out and find the nectar of a delicate flower to enable survival for her colony. the life of a bee, although short, is like ours in that it takes time to reach full potential. One must not always be under or top instantaneously; in order to achieve, one must work at it. The effort put into the foundation of success will support one throughout their journey by equipping them with the proper skills/attributes to occupy that position.
[cool story bro]

To crack the nutshell:: in order to prosper, one must maintain the foundation of success already achieved.
 BUT remember. if you work hard, play hard.
 
anywhoooo, ze' point of the story is that ive been away working like a bee to maintain shome tings. hope you think my bee story was cool, bro.



now giggle with me:

fortress

would it be too hard to stumble upon one who thinks at the same rates as i?
one who could be my sweet slice of pie
i promise you my all, every day ill try
to keep you happy, to keep your eyes dry.
for awhile i couldnt do right by myself, but now it seems that that is everyone else's issue

ive fallen in love. to this new baby i devout my last second. may this new boy of a toy bring sights i've never seen. im a happy kitty right now.

hear me purrrrrrrrrr.

in all honesty

i wanted thee
but there was no need for me

picking up the pieces like she'd never been broken before

psst

there are some things that i need to tell you
to begin with, i love you
i may have had a good need for you.

i didnt get to know you. i didnt see your face. now the mistakes i may have made can never be erased.
the decision was rash, strapped for cash.