These days, I am barely able to hide my anxieties from myself (something i spent a lot of time mastering FYI),
sleep has turned into a game of tossing and turning, Feverish night plays
of missing something important. My dreams are focusing on the
goodbyes. They replay sadness derived from losing the familiar, inventing new scenarios for my heart
to have itself heard. And I wake up feeling like a half of a
whole, missing something that I can not currently attain.
How did I say goodbye when there is still so much more to say? When the salty water streaked my cheeks, and my mouth overcome with moisture, how could I possibly utter what my heart is screaming? How do I translate the complex language of this heart into audible, understandable, comprehensible sounds? Currently, I just don't know.
So when these waves of suffering come, I am learning to allow myself to just BE.
How did I say goodbye when there is still so much more to say? When the salty water streaked my cheeks, and my mouth overcome with moisture, how could I possibly utter what my heart is screaming? How do I translate the complex language of this heart into audible, understandable, comprehensible sounds? Currently, I just don't know.
So when these waves of suffering come, I am learning to allow myself to just BE.
When I lose my pace, I go neutral. I shut out the bad along with the good and just let time do its thing. I become present, releasing the hold of my past, I attempt to flow with instead of against.
I am struggling to let go. To relinquish the part of me that is
holding me back.
Its an interesting practice and I am
only just beginning.
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-thich nhat hanh
