Maybe things are the way that they are because they just are.
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself." Bernard shaw
On my walk to the gym today, I felt a sense of me falling into place. The lessons I've learned making a complete form of who I am. Kind of like the power rangers coming together to create one big force to be reckoned with. I'm okay with my past and I'm working on bettering who I am to myself, and the people around me.
I've started working on apologizing to the people that I have wronged and I believe that it is allowing me greater access to my full potential.
It is liberating me from the cellar that I was confined to where I could store the guilt and shame. I'm allowing myself to clean out the closet and free myself. I'm giving myself room to create, and I am formulating the person I want to be. I am creating who I want to be. I'm happy for this. I'm glad that I can do this, I am blessed in this regard.
I don't think that I would have been able to do this without getting sober. It's astonishing to look back and see how limited my thinking was while high. Whenever I got into a bind, I looked towards weed or alcohol or uppers to console my feelings. I was dependent on them, subconsciously, or rather I was unwilling to see how I played them into my game of life. I neglected my family, friends and earl all just to escape from myself. I wonder if it has something to do with the way my brain is structurally or if it was myself who conditioned those types of responses. Right now, I'm working on retraining my impulses when things aren't going well. It starts off with recognizing the urge to do wrong to myself. Then I look at those feelings and suggest to myself something else I could do with my energy, time and money. I let my brain focus on what it wants for a little bit. Then I use my strength to push myself in the right direction. It's a process and I vow to myself to that I will continue to work on myself. And I will be happy!
